“Stuck in a moment, and I can’t get out of it”
U2
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Today I feel better. I slept well last night. I was a bit sedated this morning but that’s just the increase in medication kicking in. The sense of paranoia is not as bad but still there. It’s uncomfortable but it will pass. I’m convinced it will.
It strikes me that mental illness is a very private disease. It is isolating and lonely. My family support me and know I’m in hospital. A few colleagues have been very helpful in organising time off work. But that’s it.
I use Facebook all the time in here. It is like a connection to the outside world. I’ve noticed that people will “Like” the most trivial of posts. They are often meaningless. When I post about bipolar disorder or a piece of music which is helping me to cope, I am lucky to get two or three acknowledgements. It’s very disappointing. Is mental illness not important enough, or is it just embarrassing?
I know it may be my paranoia taking over but it feels like no one cares. Not really or deeply. Loneliness is crippling and by staying silent about my bipolar disorder, I am simply propagating the stigma.
I am inclined to shout it from the roof-tops. I want to break free. I want to be seen.
If you read this post, give me your opinion. I won’t go public until I’ve given it some consideration.
Your last entry is mind boggling and difficult to read but well worth reading and re-reading. It helps me to have some understanding of the isolation you feel.
You are not forgotten, you are much loved. Time and time again you fight like a Trojan and you win. Your courage and perseverance is testimony to your inner strength. I admire you greatly.
I also love you. Mum
Thanks Mum,
For your understanding and love. You reared me to be tough.
I will be fine.
Love you, D.
People choose to scroll past what they do not understand as it requires no effort. What you are doing requires effort, you are helping people, raising awareness, being your amazing self. You continue to shine your light and continue to lead others out into it. You are one voice representing many others, you should be proud. I am proud to be reading your posts and sharing them. Love you always xxx