“Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard”
The Scientist – Coldplay
——
I’m feeling a bit better today. I’m on the mend. It has taken over two weeks to get to this point. Recovery is slow but then, I easily forget that I was significantly ill. What makes matters worse is that I’m not really sure what happened this time. I can’t decide on a trigger. May be I’m not meant to know.
The voices in my head are gone, a huge relief. I’m simply left with my own usual deliberations tending to the sarcastic. That’s normal for me.
The paranoia has settled greatly. I no longer hear messages from the radio, nor receive instructions on how to dress and what to do. The greatest relief is that I am no longer paranoid around my wife. That was upsetting.
Unfortunately I still have night terrors. I wake repeatedly during the night screaming, covered in sweat, heart racing. I can remember one of the nightmares I had last night. The clown from Stephen King’s “IT” was stalking me. I wrote down the first thing that came into my mind in that fugue immediate upon waking. This morning I read it- “Self-loathing/fear”. I don’t know what that means and exactly what I’m meant to do with it. Sounds like a job for my psychotherapist.
I’ve been accepted onto a course while here for the next few weeks. It’s called the “Psychosis Programme” and is meant to help me cope with the hallucinations and delusions I’ve been suffering. I’ll bet the other participants will have some interesting ideas. Should be fun!
I don’t have much more to say today. The accompanying photo was taken during a short cruise last summer. I was relaxing, taking it easy, with my feet up. That’s what I’m going to do now. I suggest you do the same.
