“Oh the sisters of mercy, they are not departed or gone.
They were waiting for me when I thought that I just can’t go on.”
“Sisters of Mercy” – Leonard Cohen.
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Yesterday was one of peaks and troughs. I slept through until 7.00am and awoke feeling refreshed and that was a bonus. But during the morning, my mood was low and my head felt heavy, fuzzy. I felt like I was overly-sedated from my medication. I tried to attend a presentation for the course I am now enrolled – the Psychosis Programme. I made my excuses and left after fifteen minutes. I left partly because I was uninterested and partly because I couldn’t concentrate on the content.
When I am hypomanic, I become restless and find it hard to concentrate for any length of time. It is one of the more irritating effects of my illness. Sitting quietly in front of a television, to enjoy a single episode of any programme, becomes difficult. Reading a book beyond a few pages become impossible. However, my span of concentration becomes an indicator of progress. In time, I will be better able to watch TV and read, play guitar or watch a movie in one sitting. Then I will be ever closer to discharge fro hospital. 
In the afternoon, I met with my consultant psychiatrist’s Registrar. My consultant is on leave this week. It was a very useful review. I was able to attest to the facts that the auditory hallucinations and the paranoid delusions had resolved. My sleeping pattern had improved. He agreed with me that I was probably over-medicated and was feeling a residual hangover during the day. So, he reduced my regular medication slightly. This is of huge significance. The smallest reduction in medication is an admission of inching ever so slowly closer to going home for good. It is a step in the right direction.
I addition to altering my prescription, the Registrar also granted me leave to go home at the weekend as expected, but even more importantly, granted me day leave to wander about town unaccompanied. This is a huge advance on my current state of enforced incarceration.
I took advantage of my new key to freedom almost immediately. I strolled from St. Patrick’s Hospital to the Irish Museum of Modern Art (IMMA) in Kilmainham and had a look at an exhibit by Irish Artist, Patrick Hennessy. The feeling of the sun and crisp air on my face was exhilarating . I was light-headed with excitement.
I know very little about art but I appreciate bright colours and distinctive styles. Apparently, Hennessy was a Realist. That doesn’t mean a whole lot to me but I know I enjoyed perusing his work. It was all the sweeter because admission was free. I returned from the gallery tired but considerably satisfied.
Today is another day. I’m up early but I don’t feel tired. This evening, my wife will collect me and take me home for the weekend. I’m looking forward to it already. I must make every effort to ensure it goes well. No arguments.
I have definitely turned a corner in the last few days. Let’s hope it continues.
Very honest piece of writing about the “cross” you carry. I was pleased that Hennessy’s paintings lifted your mood just a little that day. I have often found that a number of his subjects can contain a strong sense of loneliness,isolation and calmness in a positive way.