Holidays. 

It’s been a period of ups and downs. I didn’t spend too much time in hospital. Just over two weeks. I had an incentive to get out. My family summer holiday to Spain was due at the start of August. I didn’t want to miss it. 

Early on, there was the distinct possibility that I wouldn’t be out of hospital in time and my wife and I had discussed our options. Would we cancel the trip or would the family go without me? Neither option seemed very appealing. 

But in the end it all worked out well. My mood improved quickly after adjustment of my medication and I was discharged with a few days to spare before we were due to travel. 

I was still a little down in the dumps and unsure of how I would react to the change of scenery and the inherent activity of a foreign holiday. My wife and I agreed that we would take things slowly. We would match our activities to my mood and my capacity to be involved without stress. If that meant lounging by the beach for two weeks then so be it. After all, it was a bonus that we were on holiday at all. 

I am truly grateful for the absolute support that I get from my wife and family. But I was conscious that my teenage sons would be disappointed to stay in the same place for the entire holiday. Nonetheless, I was the centre of attention and would dictate the pace of the holiday. I think that was a very loving decision by my family and I truly appreciate it. 

As it happens, the holiday was a fantastic success. We are approaching the end of our adventure and we had a great time. Yes, there were days we stayed by the beach (and they were thoroughly enjoyable) but we had a number of excursions as well. In that way, the boys were entertained too. 

We visited a theme park and I happily watched my sons enjoy the extreme rides. Wild horses wouldn’t have enticed me to join them. We rented a boat and cruised in the bay and my sons went swimming in clear blue waters. They tried a bit of fishing, caught nothing but spent a really lovely afternoon together. A highlight was a Segway tour in Barcelona which was as educational as it was fun. 

We tried to introduce a little culture by visiting  a Roman ruins in the early days and later again whilst in Barcelona. It was a total failure but what else do you expect from teenage boys?

My mood improved daily and soon the only remnant of depression was a feeling of anxiety in the morning. Depression and anxiety are joined at the hip. The anxious feeling would pass within an hour and I’m not really sure what caused it but I can speculate. 

Holidays can be a stressful time for me. Foreign country, foreign language and culture and I feel out of kilter for a few days. I like routine and the safety of my own home. I am deprived of these abroad. It takes me a while to settle in to a new place. 

I worry about things. I worry about having enough money when I’m out, that the SatNav will bring me to the right place or that one of my family will get into difficulty swimming in the sea. I don’t think I’m alone in thinking like this and I definitely deny that I’m neurotic. These are normal fears and I don’t let them control my life. 

Mostly, they are easily overcome. If I’m worried about money, I take a credit card. Worries about a catastrophe can be challenged. How likely is it that someone I love is going to drown? And I guess you just have to take your chances with the SatNav. That’s the same for everyone. 

So sometimes I get anxious. I’m also very particular, a pefectionist, a bit obsessive. These are some of the traits that make me who I am. It makes me careful and conscientious. It makes me dependable. I hope it makes me a better doctor. 

Before we came on holiday, I asked my psychiatrist to adjust my medication even further so I might feel more upbeat. He argued that the holiday alone would make me feel better. He was completely right. 

Two weeks away with my family is better than any little pill.