Normality. 

It’s good to feel normal. I know that “normal” is very subjective but this is about as normal as I get. What do I mean by that?

Well it’s best understood by looking at what is absent. The pain has gone. It’s as simple as that.

Life feels easier. Work is enjoyable and time with my family and friends is fun. I have energy, I’m active and I have a sense of achievement at the end of each day. I have the energy to go to the gym, go for a meal with my wife and the energy to laugh. It feels good.

I have so often in the past taken this phase of my Bipolar Disorder for granted. Most people feel normal every day and expect their lives to remain that way. For me, it is one phase in an ever-repeating cycle. It never lasts, which is why I need to make the best of it.

After such a difficult year, mainly battling with depression, it is such a relief to get a break. And the effects are felt by more than just me. My family are getting some well deserved breathing space too. The atmosphere in my home is so much happier and brighter than it has been in a long time. My wife doesn’t look so tired.

I’ve seen it suggested that you have to experience the low points in life to be able to truly appreciate the benefits. I’m not so sure about that. It seems a little masochistic. I don’t feel any increased acuity of my senses after my depression. Having said that, at this moment, I do have a greater awareness of the gifts that have been bestowed upon me. I have a palpable sense of gratitude for my wife and family, my friends and, ironically enough, my good health. I have peace and calm. I feel lucky. I have it good.

This is a period of recovery, a time to recharge. I’ve used the phrase before but it is a time to recharge my soul. That inner energy will sustain me during harder times. Love is the source of nutrition and I am fortunate to be loved and supported by so many and I include some of the readers of this blog in that number. Sometimes I forget it but I am never alone.

It always gets better! I say that for anybody who is reading this and lives with Bipolar Disorder, or any other psychiatric illness for that matter. Mostly I say it for me. The worst of days and weeks and months will eventually pass and there will be a time of improvement. It may be temporary but the struggle gets easier and there is an opportunity to heal. The memory of better times will sustain me when my life is in turmoil. I just need to cling on. I just need to have hope.

I’m in the eye of the storm. Calm seas surround me but the clouds are visible in the distance. If the usual patterns apply, I will be hypomanic before Christmas and face the new challenges that phase brings. For now my thoughts are free, free of distortion and free of anguish. I intend to enjoy it fully.

I’m going to sign off now. I plan to take my car for a spin. I’m going to listen to soothing music and think of my wife. Maybe I’ll stop by the sea and have a coffee. Maybe I’ll call a friend and maybe when I get home, I’ll walk the dogs. It sounds a little mundane, but that is all I need.