Behind the scene.

I haven’t posted for a while. I’ve been lazy. I haven’t a whole lot to say. Things have been going well the last while.

I was a bit depressed in August. It was very mild. It didn’t exactly stop me from doing anything but it just made everything a bit harder. It just required a bit more effort to function. At times like this I tend to isolate myself. I don’t want to go out. I have no interest in activity, no interest in socialising. Ironically, the very act of doing something usually makes me feel better. Just taking the first step, although difficult, can be rewarding. There can be a perceptible lift in my mood.

This is where my wife comes in. She is keenly in tune with my moods. She can tell when I’m feeling down and she is my greatest supporter. She knows only too well that gentle activity will do me good and she persuades me to get up and partake. It is a balancing act. If she is too persistent I get too irritable and will refuse to do anything. But she has a way of getting around me and I am truly grateful for her patience and care.

My boys are in tune with my moods as well. They know when to approach me for something and when I just want to be left alone. Sometimes they are at the receiving end of my irritability and I always regret those moments. They make my life easier when I need it most.

You see, psychiatric illness doesn’t just affect the individual, it affects the whole family. Mental illness is pervasive and colours every aspect of your life. I couldn’t survive without the tolerance and support of my family. I owe them a great debt of gratitude.

That is why it is so important to celebrate when I’m feeling well, as I do right now. As I said, I was depressed in August but my mood lifted in September. That was helped by a visit to my psychiatrist and some juggling with my medication. Life has been easier for the past month and I’ve been feeling more enthusiastic. Not a lot has changed at home. My sons are all teenagers and they do there own thing with little input from me or my wife. But there is no hassle at home. There is a palpable sense of calm and they don’t have to walk around me on tip-toe. It is a welcome break for my wife too. I am less of a burden on her. There is an injection of a vital ingredient for a happy life. There is fun.

So I’ve been keeping as active as I can and I feel I have more energy as a result. I had a lovely day when invited to my cousin’s wedding in Waterford at the end of August. My mood was starting to lift and I had a wonderful time. The bride and groom were so happy and it made me reminisce on my own wedding day. I met with my family, cousins, aunts and uncles and I got to dance with my wife. Any day that I get to dance with my wife is a good day.

So I’ve been trying to keep myself well. I’ve been going to the gym and I even got out on my bike a few times in the last fortnight. I’m careful about my sleeping habits and I continue to see my therapist. Taking my medications every day is a given. I meditate almost every day. I miss the odd day but not often. I believe that meditation helps keep me balanced.

I have a “Mitra” ceremony in a few weeks at the Buddhist Centre. Mitra means friend and the ceremony essentially denotes when I commit to being a Buddhist. I then become a “friend” of the Buddhist community. It’s a lovely idea and I’m looking forward to it. My involvement with the Buddhist community in the last while has been very good for me.

When I was first diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, it was explained to me that it would affect me mentally, physically and spiritually. I didn’t really understand at the time and it is only in recent months that I have started to address all three aspects of the illness.

All of the efforts I make to limits the effects of my illness are important. From taking my medication to getting exercise and socialising, all play a part. But the most important stabilising factor is the love and support of my family. They have been there every step of the way.

I am never alone. I’m a very lucky man.