Life is good. I was a bit down in the dumps towards the end of last year. I was mildly depressed. It wasn’t enough to prevent me from functioning but it was draining. It was demoralising. But I had a visit with my psychiatrist and we adjusted my medication. Within a few weeks I was feeling better and I’ve been reaping the benefits since.
I enjoyed Christmas. It was spent with family and relatives and it went well. There were no dramas. It’s an unusual time of the year for me as I know it is for a lot of people. I have very happy memories of Christmas with my wife and sons but some less pleasant ones from childhood. It’s easy to get distracted by the past but probably best not to study it too closely. At least not without the guiding hand of a therapist. But despite the occasional sorrowful thought, the holiday was a happy occasion.
Since the New Year I’ve had a new lease of life. I feel alive and have a spring in my step. Work has been seamless and my home life has been easy. There is no hassle. I’m taking care of myself. I continue to meditate and I exercise regularly. I am sleeping well and I’m careful to maintain a steady pattern. I continue to meet with my therapist and I’ll be checking in with my psychiatrist next month. All these things contribute to my stability and require a little effort. But it’s worth it. I’m enjoying myself.
I’ve been getting out on the bike a bit more lately. It’s a great past time. This week, I signed up to do a cycle from Dublin to Galway and back over a weekend in April. My wife is already committed to it and we hope to do it together. So I’m in training. I don’t know if I will be ready in time but I’m going to try. It gives me something to focus on. A goal to achieve. I’ll let you know how it goes in future posts.
I had a flute lesson today. It went well. I think I’m progressing. I can play a few tunes now. It gives me something to do. It’s a bit of fun and everybody needs a little of that.
I keep a journal on my phone and recently I’ve been reviewing past entries. It’s two years since I was last so ill that I was admitted to hospital. My entries from that time make for sobering reading. It’s hard to remember that I was that upset, that miserable and that afraid. There was so much fear.
It upset me a little reading them. I could recall some of how I felt when I wrote them. I also started to feel guilty. I felt guilty for things I had said and done while sick that had upset my family. But mostly I felt grateful. Grateful that those days were behind me.
I have had bipolar disorder most of my adult life. It has brought me to dizzying highs and dragged me down to devastating lows. But with the help of my family and friends I have survived and at times found neutral ground where life is just normal. That’s where I am today and that’s where I want to stay.