Life has settled down somewhat in recent weeks. The pandemic continues but as a country, we have managed it very well. The hospitals were very busy but it seems not overrun. We are coping. Many people have unfortunately lost their lives but honestly, I expected it to be much worse. The country is in lockdown and older people are cocooning but everyone seems to be getting on with life. The big fear now is a rebound surge when the restrictions are lifted. Hopefully we will land gently. Only time will tell.
I am relatively content with life at the moment. I have settled in well to my new role in the maternity hospital. Initially I was a bit nervous. I had a lot to relearn. I felt that I had to prove myself. I was lacking in self confidence. That has passed. The learning curve was steep but I climbed it successfully. I have come out the other side of the murky forest of insecurity and the light has dawned. I can do this and not only that but everybody knows it. I am on the same roster as the other consultants and I have not been found wanting.
Not only that, but I am really enjoying myself. Being involved in the birth of babies is quite a positive experience. There is great satisfaction in siting an epidural and relieving an expectant mother of labour pains. It’s good for the soul. There is some exposure to Covid-19 but it is not a large part of my working day. Anyway, we are well prepared.
There are other benefits to my new role. We have Non Consultant Hospital Doctors (NCHD’s) working with us. They carry a portion of the workload. I’m not used to having help. I’m not used to having company. For the last 12 years, I worked on my own with only the occasional conversation with a surgeon my only source of entertainment. Socialising with other Anaesthetists was uncommon. That’s what I got used to.
In addition, I meet with other consultant Anaesthetists every day. Not only do I get to share a coffee but I get to discuss clinical situations with my peers. There is a sense that I am part of a team. I am not isolated and alone. I like that.
My mood was elated for a few weeks. It wasn’t bad. The combination of the excitement of a new job coupled with the start of longer, brighter days sent me a bit high. My sleep was disturbed. I was waking early and bouncing out of bed. There isn’t much to do at 5.00am and persistent lack of sleep made me a bit tetchy at home.
But it has passed as quickly as it came. I was talking to my psychiatrist and we adjusted my medication. The changes have taken effect and I’m getting a full night’s sleep again. As I said, it wasn’t bad. My concentration was unaffected and I didn’t suffer any agitation or restlessness. If anything, I had a bit more energy.
And that’s where jogging come in. I needed an outlet for the extra energy so I took up running. I downloaded a “Couch to 5k” app on my phone and on my days off, I run around the block. I’m on week 3 of an 8 week program and aim to be able to run 5k at the end of it. Here’s hoping I keep it up.
I have no doubt that increasing my medication was the primary catalyst in returning my mood to stability but there were other factors. I have a renewed interest in meditation and find it very relaxing and calming. Just 20 minutes a day can work wonders. I highly recommend it. The quiet acceptance of my wife as she deftly guided me towards activities to relax me is always invaluable. Her patience is endless. And the support of my Buddhist friends meant that I was never alone.
So all in all, things are good. Work is good, my mood is good and my family are good, if a little stir crazy. But then, who isn’t. It is difficult not being able to meet with people but that might get easier in the coming weeks
I’m optimistic for the future. I hope it lives up to the promise of the present.
Take care.
