Impulses.

We are on the cusp of release. Another period of lockdown is about to come to an end. The shops will be open for Christmas and no doubt the masses will descend. I will probably be among them. It promises to be mayhem. But I’m sure it will be exciting too.

I was struggling when I last posted. My mood was low. That feeling persisted into November and I took some time off work. I needed to recharge the batteries, feed the soul. I’m glad I did. It worked. I feel much better this past week. My experience of depression is that it always lifts but the time to myself helped it along its way.

One symptom of depression, when I’m in the throes of it, is early-morning-waking. I typically wake between 4am and 5am. There’s not much to do at that hour of the morning. Even when you consider that I go out to work at 6.30am, I still have a few hours to kill.

So recently I started meditating in the morning when everyone is still in bed and I’m really enjoying it. It passes twenty to thirty minutes and it’s really invigorating. I genuinely recommend giving it a try. I have meditated in the evening for some time but I much prefer the early session. Now that my sleep patterns are returning to normal, I still get up at 5.30am to have a sit and I’m still ready in time to go to work. It just means going to bed early and I take it gently at the weekend. I hope my enthusiasm lasts. Time will tell.

Another thing that is typical of my episodes of depression is impulse buying. I buy things to cheer me up. It’s understandable but flawed. It never helps. All I do is work up a big balance on my credit card.

Take for example the new iPhone I bought. I was excited for a few minutes while I went online to order it. But when it came, I didn’t feel any happier. It’s just a phone. It’s no real improvement on the model I had before. In fact the only joy it gives is when talking to family and friends. And the last one did that perfectly well. In short, it was a waste of money.

Logically I know that material things can’t bring me happiness but that doesn’t stop me. The power of advertising has suggested that I will not be satisfied without them. When I’m down I’m even more susceptible to the lure of shiny new gadgets. Well I’m going to try and resist. I’m going to try and stop.

This new resolution starts now. I usually get carried away at this time of year and buy plethora of Christmas gifts. I’m going to be a bit more measured this year.

More meditation, less junk.