“Stuck in a moment, and I can’t get out of it”
U2
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Today I feel better. I slept well last night. I was a bit sedated this morning but that’s just the increase in medication kicking in. The sense of paranoia is not as bad but still there. It’s uncomfortable but it will pass. I’m convinced it will.
It strikes me that mental illness is a very private disease. It is isolating and lonely. My family support me and know I’m in hospital. A few colleagues have been very helpful in organising time off work. But that’s it.
I use Facebook all the time in here. It is like a connection to the outside world. I’ve noticed that people will “Like” the most trivial of posts. They are often meaningless. When I post about bipolar disorder or a piece of music which is helping me to cope, I am lucky to get two or three acknowledgements. It’s very disappointing. Is mental illness not important enough, or is it just embarrassing?
I know it may be my paranoia taking over but it feels like no one cares. Not really or deeply. Loneliness is crippling and by staying silent about my bipolar disorder, I am simply propagating the stigma.
I am inclined to shout it from the roof-tops. I want to break free. I want to be seen.
If you read this post, give me your opinion. I won’t go public until I’ve given it some consideration.