I was at a Classical Guitar recital last evening with my wife. The guitarist was talented, the venue was small and intimate and the atmosphere was warm. I sat with my arm draped over my wife’s shoulders, hand in hand, and became lost in the music. It was fabulous.
I love music. Some people love books or theatre, others movies. But I really love music. That’s not to say that I don’t read or go to movies. I do. I like to read fantasy by J.R.R. Tolkien or Terry Pratchett. My favourite actor is Al Pacino and I can think of many great movies and actors. I don’t go to the theatre too often but when i do, I invariably enjoy myself.
But nothing compares to music. I can’t imagine life without it. I am deaf on one side for a long time and it would be the cruellest blow to lose hearing on the opposite side. So I try to mind it. Music speaks to my heart and touches my soul.
My Bipolar influences both the music I listen to and how it affects me. My choice of artist sometimes reflects the mood I’m in but it may also have a healing effect, if that’s what I need. I don’t just listen to music, I study it, dissect it and look for meaning in the words, tempo and rhythm. My favourite instrument is the guitar but a good bass line can really get into your bones. Mostly I try to absorb it and feel it move me.
My taste is fairly mainstream and I’m not going to bore you with a list. But, I will mention a few artists that have had a profound effect on me over the years. I listened to Leonard Cohen when I was in college. When I was down, he cheered me up. I felt that he understood. I wasn’t alone. When I needed to relax or found it hard to sleep, I played Enya. When I was high, I liked Mark Knopfler, Eric Clapton and David Bowie. When I was balanced, euthymic, I loved it all.
I’m reading a book at the moment, “Touched with Fire” by Kay Redfield Jamison. She investigates the relationship between Bipolar Disorder and creativity in some of the greatest authors, artists and poets. There may be a link but I haven’t finished reading it yet so I will have to get back to you. I don’t think I am particularly creative but I do have a good imagination. I think when you survive the peaks and troughs of Bipolar Disorder you gain a different perspective. I think that maybe you feel things differently and maybe a little more deeply than many other people do.
I feel music deeply and it helps me to survive. It helps to recharge my soul when it’s running low on energy. It allows me to connect with my emotions and sometimes I cry but mostly I smile. Music always makes me feel alive. And just occasionally, it gives me an excuse to dance with my wife. That’s when music is at it’s very best.
